It’s taken me a long time to become an autistic ally in the truest sense. Long before I was an ally, I was a disability employment advisor. At the time I thought I was an ally, but I was probably anything but. I was all about making my clients employable. Little of my time and efforts went into making employers disability friendly. This was before I was married and before I had encountered Foucault and the concept by of speaking truth to power, and employers held the power right? And that was right, that was what showed up, because my colleagues and I didn’t challenge it (with the exception of my mate Beryl, but that’s another story).
But then I met my wife and my education began. The journey towards alliance has not been a smooth one and will continue to hit bumps. We’ve had rows, we’ve represented different stances, but I’ve grown.
So, what do I mean by alliance? While I do now know huge amounts about certain types of autism, it’s not about being an expert. I don’t want to be an expert, it’s not my place to be an expert.
It’s about being a friend, a true friend. True friends don’t always totally get each other, but they always love each other. It’s about fighting each other’s corner when it’s invited and keeping your gob shut when it’s not invited. It’s about standing alongside Autistic people don’t need or want me to fight their battles for them. They want me to fight SOME of their battles WITH them, when they choose to allow me that privilege.
Alliance as lifestyle choice
Being an autistic ally is no different from being any other kind of ally, though the expression of it may be different. I don’t hold with the concept that the enemy of your enemy is your friend. Life is really not that simple. Being an ally is about being brave, even when you don’t feel brave and even when the issue has no direct impact on you. It is the same reason we need to keep a very close eye on how we deal with sexism, racism, ageism. Its also why we need to keep talking to our leaders about the situation in Ukraine, though I haven’t worked out how to do that yet.
Actually, sometimes being an ally is about doing something even though you don’t know how. Conversely, its about letting somebody else have their shot, because just maybe they know more about it than you!
Call to action: Be an Ally
We don’t all have to be tub thumpers and campaigners. The small, personal things we can do are as, if not more important. For me, its learning not to be pedantic and let people talk freely, which is a battle I have yet to win. For those who are my allies, its about accepting that I can be inconsistent and flawed, just like them. To find out more about being an autistic ally, think about relationships in all their forms, and book a one to one with Joyce here